THE BREAKDOWN

Get mad, then get over it. ~Colin Powell

A few weeks ago, when took my younger son in for neurotherapy, I shared the positive strides we’d seen since he started treatment with Erica, one of the office staff. I had just written “Successful Communication” and was feeling good about the results from his treatment over the past few weeks.

Erica celebrated his progress with me and said she was amazed at how quickly we were seeing results (focus, attention, emotions, etc.) – in just a few short months.

I chuckled. The highs and lows of emotions and making the effort to be patient – with him and with myself – over those few short months felt like an eternity.

I remembered my near breakdown in the doctor’s office.

It was a beautiful day in early October yet on the drive to Portola Valley with my older son, I was unsettled. A wave of slow anger simmered underneath a layer of resignation as I thought about the email and my younger son’s behavior at school.

The day before, I had received two separate emails from two of his teachers about his disruptive behavior, his lack of focus, and his wandering around the classroom. The feedback provided by these teachers echoed the same sentiments expressed by another teacher the prior week.

Once my older son went into the treatment room, I broke down and shared with Erica: I was at the point I was ready to pack up and leave my family. I was tired of my younger son’s issues at school. I was tired of driving back and forth from Burlingame to Portola Valley. I was tired of the expense of treatment and watching it eat away at our savings. I was tired of administering supplements. I was tired of wondering when this Lyme nightmare would be over. I was tired of being tired, and I was tired of being angry.

Reaching that low point forced me to act and think about how I could support my son, he clearly needed help with focus and attention. Would neurotherapy work?

Three months later, I can say neurotherapy has worked.

I asked Erica if she remembered that October afternoon and what she witnessed. She did remember. Erica saw my exasperation and despair. She remembered me being upset, angry and close to tears. It was surprising for her to see my normally upbeat and positive attitude so vastly different that day.

Hearing her say that brought me back to that moment. I remember my actions, but those feelings I had then had dissipated. Now, I am in a much better place: feeling positive and action-oriented.

There are days I feel resentful when I feel like I am shouldering most of the burden while everyone else sits on the sidelines. Don’t get me wrong: my husband now helps with the supplements each evening – but 90% of the work: scheduling appointments, driving to and from appointments, communicating with the doctor and staff, coordinating additional treatments: blood work, craniosacral therapy, sleep study, etc., and pulling the kids out of school for treatments – falls on me.

Lyme is not easy. Managing anger and despair is a daily exercise but moving and taking control counters it; celebrating each milestone and success brings everything into balance. And that balance – being upright and steady – is the best way for our family to stay on the treatment course.