DAY AT A TIME

I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the years. ~Henry Moore

Note: Recently, I made the decision to share more about my family’s Lyme diagnosis and treatment; part of it is cathartic, and in part to help increase awareness about the impact of Lyme.

When I had to take my car in for repairs, I complained to my husband that I just didn’t have time to do it. The idea of driving down to the auto body shop and being without a car for a week was overwhelming and just one more thing I had to take care of.

“Something’s wrong, then” he replied. “If you don’t have time to bring the car in, then something is wrong.”

A year ago, those words would have stung; they would have me thinking that I was not proficient in time management, that I was lazy or inefficient. A year ago, I couldn’t describe why I was unable to handle some of the mundane tasks like grocery shopping or cleaning the house.

I like to think am successfully managing our household, my Dad, as well as writing and working, while treating Lyme. I’m at the point where things are running smoothly. It is easy to adjust to small schedule shifts, however, when something bigger (car repair, the holidays, travel) are added to the mix, the feeling of being overwhelmed easily takes hold.

I thought the feeling of overwhelm was because I was doing too much, however, I had been saying “No” more often. Perhaps it was age or fatigue? I wasn’t sure until I asked my doctor. When she told me that Lyme causes impaired concentration and the ability to sustain attention takes more effort, I finally understood that it wasn’t me and that I wasn’t losing my mind. It was interesting to learn that another “silent symptom” of Lyme had me questioning my own abilities and wondering why something so easy could be so daunting and overwhelming.

Armed with this knowledge, I am gentler with myself and with the kids. The feeling of being overwhelmed is defeating and results in crankiness, irritability, and frustration; learning to navigate through these highs and lows are part of the Lyme journey.

I didn’t let my husband’s comment phase me.

“Yes, something is wrong. It’s called Lyme. I can’t always stay focused. I can’t always concentrate. I get emotional. And: the car will get fixed” I replied. Sometimes we both need reminders of how I am coping.

I resolve to get better. I resolve to help my kids get better. I resolve to help educate others. I am doing it. One day at a time.

And the car? It’s fixed.